Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is classic penis vs brain.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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