Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
pray to the hookup gods
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
