My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
