Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
