I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
