The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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