That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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