Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize