theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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