I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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