dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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