no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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