how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
