I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
