I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
