What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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