beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
