Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
