margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i dont even know how to be here
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
