I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
