Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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