If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
