He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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