i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
