Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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