let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my poor anus
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
