9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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