I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
