we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
