idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
