i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
