So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
