Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
