If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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