I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
