On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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