i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize