Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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