But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
