Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Less talking, more tequila
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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