The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
