life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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