dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
