I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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