You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
