last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
