he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
