Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
