you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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