And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I came so hard my ears popped.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
