His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
