he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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