i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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