also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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