he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
as a side note pls kill me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
