By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
