my soul wont recognize me after tonight
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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