Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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