Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
