her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk is not a location!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
