he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
