She announced her abortion via fbk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
