Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
