hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
