I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
try to milk me bitch
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