ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
