John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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