sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
