You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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