The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
