no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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