if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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