Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
