god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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