By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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