i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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