Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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