she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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