i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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