ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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