He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
