Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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