I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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