I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
