This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
