the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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