I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
