i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm always down for nudity.
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