Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
