But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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