watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
