i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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