ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
